Baby Mwaura Jr. ; Remembering my brave Fighter

As I approach my son’s birthday my heart is very conflicted. It should be a day of thanksgiving, I ought to look forward to the day my baby turns 1 but I have a lot of mixed emotions. I am so proud of Njiru, for the far he has come and for the way he makes us happy; for all the joy he has brought to our lives. I can never imagine life without my precious little miracle but at the same time I am filled with sadness. Remembering that I delivered 3 children on 19th January 2017. My baby girl and baby boy are already gone. They were too special for earth. Today I choose to talk about my first born son Mwaura Maigua Mwaura Jr. He arrived at 10.10am weighing 1.2 kg. He was the eldest and the biggest in weight. At that time we thought he had the best chances of survival compared to the others. Mwaura Jr lived with us for 76 days; when Njeri passed on the second day we were beyond ourselves with grief…. For the longest time I did not think it was true. I knew people who had lost children but I never thought it would happen to me . Even today having taken a few months off from writing this blog I am still overcome by emotion and my eyes fill with tears as I write.

When my daughter left the doctor who was hoping to get some milk from me decided to put my babies  on a little formula and glucose to give me time to overcome the stress but I knew I had to pull myself together . I had the Cs wound which was super painful; For some reason none of the painkillers seemed to be working for me including the injections; I had just lost a baby and I had two precious boys in the NICU who really needed me. I decided to put all my attention on my two boys … I decided to pull myself together try and get some milk for  them and most importantly have hope .They needed hope and faith from me . One of the things that really help babies in the Nicu is a positive attitude from their parents and faith in them …faith that they will fight and hope that they will leave the NICU.

I eventually got some milk for them and I tried to focus on them. It was very difficult walking through the NICU daily, several times a day and seeing the little children come in …Some who only stayed for a few hours  and watching some graduating from NICU to the main nursery . I honestly feel like NICU nurses have seen a lot. The little babies do not look pretty, they are tiny, veins are visible and they look pale. Sometimes it’s hard to explain what they even look like…

Mwaura Jr lived with us for 76 days; these are days I hate to think about. Baby Njiru was doing well … he was steadily making his steps…. not to say he did not struggle but he seemed to be having an easier time. He was successfully removed from the ventilator with no issues …he moved on quickly to using oxygen and slowly went on from oxygen to just being a cartoon in the incubator. Making funny poses and being in a relaxed mood all the time. At some point he was the fattest in the NICU weighing 1350g …trust me in the NICU this is a big baby….

Mwaura Jr seemed to be having a harder time. All this time he kept developing complication after complication. His lungs were not strong and after some point we were introduced to a condition called the chronic lung Disease. My baby Mwaura Jr was resuscitated over 20 times … by the time all this was happening, he had obtained severe brain damage. Later, after a CT scan at around day 70, we came to realise he had also been born with a brain condition which needed urgent surgery. At this point due to his chronic lung disease, the neurosurgeon and other doctors advised that an surgery could not be done at the moment since his lungs were too weak to hold general anaesthesia. He had been on and off life support for too long โ€ฆhe was not growing … he kept being suctioned several times a day to clear the blockage in his lungs. Mwaura Jr rarely smiled, the few times he did it was just heavenly. I watched him cry a lot…..Struggling with the pipes ….fighting the many tubes and even fighting the doctors and the nurses. Mwaura Jr was a fighter .When Baby Njiru cries…. he reminds me a lot of Mwaura Jr …so I sometimes I just let him cry for a minute longer, maybe two minutes longer for me to see Mwaura Jr ; that his memory is not lost to me.

Waking up on 5th April morning I received a call that I had seen coming …I had expected the call for a while based on Mwaura Jrsโ€™  condition but I could never be ready for it . It was a call asking me to go to hospital ,they could not tell me what was wrong on phone …they were not ethically allowed to …but I knew …I knew my baby had gone to be with the Lord .By now Njiru had come home… so I quickly dressed and started driving towards the hospital but I couldn’t . My mum called me and asked me to stop. My husband also asked me to park by the road side. The 5 minutes I waited seemed to be an eternity but eventually my husband arrived and we went to hospital.

My heart was broken; my baby’s incubator was covered with a white cloth; as we got into the NICU, all the nurses were hugging me and telling sorry. My baby was gone. My little fighter was gone. He had fought really long and tough fights. The only thing I regret was not being with him on his last day…. but I know we gave him our best. All I want is to celebrate the little champion ….he left a big mark in all our hearts….. Most importantly he taught us that sometimes it’s not about finishing first …itโ€™s about giving the race your best.

About the author
I describe myself as an introverted extrovert, A lover of life and people. I am that girl with a loud laugh, I love my books, my writing, my music and a fun road trip with great company will just seal the deal.

52 thoughts on “Baby Mwaura Jr. ; Remembering my brave Fighter

  1. This is painful Mukami, but I count you as strong woman, thanks for being strong for us, who look upto you.
    God knows why.
    To the boy may He grow to bring much joy to your family.

  2. God’s grace is more than sufficient. Cheer up, God has the final word. Be blessed. Kamau(jire)

  3. You are a mother and mothers strong like you bless others like me. May you continue to be a blessing to nations and tribes.

  4. Wow wow,you are the strongest lady i ever met,may the lord our God continue showering you and your family with his grace.

  5. Hi Mukami, I read your articles and literally cry. I believe they help you overcome the pain and also appreciate God’s doing. This also encourage mothers who have gone through this experience and are not able to speak out or share their experiences. You are one strong lady that I admire. It is well. Thank you for sharing.

  6. Mukami and Mwaura snr are the best strong parents. God had a reason for everything, as the littl champ celebrates his 1st birthday I wish him strong long healthy life…for you and your hubby may God bless you each day and guide you in bringing up the little guy. Stay blessed

    1. Mukami May the Good Lord comfort you: I know there is no amount of words or tears, to comfort a mother who lost a chikd

  7. A real fighter indeed. May the Lord keep encouraging you and giving you strength by the day. Blessings to your family and happy birthday to baby Njiru

  8. The Lord remains faithful.He restores what is broken.May he fill you with joy in years to come.A happy birthday to your lovely son.God bless.

  9. Mama Njiru, let’s celebrate this boy for he is trully a hero. HAPPY BIRTHDAY NJIRU….
    Just remember all the sweet memories he gave us at NICU…his loud burps when full, how he would cry when his feed is delayed, the kangaroo times, ooooh how time flies…it’s a year already. Praise be to the almighty. Uuuuh, did I mention his sweet nails..
    For the little angels Mwaura jnr & Njeri, we bless the Lord for them and may they continue dancing with the angels.
    My prayer for you Mukami is that the memories shall be a painless scar in your heart for in all this, God is still on the throne and has blessed you in many ways and continues to bless you in mighty ways.

    1. you remember how they would cry in the incubator and no one would hear them … and the joy once they add even 10g … I am also glad i met you my sister .

  10. So touching my sis! So so touching, you are a strong woman. Jesus told Peter he had prayed for him so that when he overcomes, he may in turn strengthen his brothers. Sis, you will become and already are a source of strength to many. Many women go through so much of this pain and get into so much depression. May your pain be a step to helping another sister to understand and to overcome their own! Much love and blessings Kami!

  11. Pole mum ,may God give you happiness through the remaining child. L too got my son at 27wks.he weighed 800gms. Gone through alot but not celebrating 3 years of God’s grace.

  12. I believe that God has a reason for everything I pray for baby njiiru and you and his daddy .God bless you

  13. It is well my dear healing is gradual but God is still faithful you shall be an encouragement to many families who may go through such a wilderness
    Keep at the feet of Jesus

  14. Oooh mama,you are strong and full of faith. May God heal and restore you. Your children will call you blessed. The Lord shall give you back in double portion for He is God, and none is like Him…

  15. Hugz.. We celebrate baby Njiru 1st birthday and many more to come… keep holding the precious memories of your daughter and son they will keep you stronger and we thank God for the days you had with them. Bless

  16. happi 1st birthday 2 babi njiru..Mukami……may our God give u oil of gladness in place of tears….& a garment of praize instead of despair….Isaiah 61:3.Jehova remains faithful… u r an overcome 2gether with ua hubby…..

  17. Poleni Mukami and Mwaura.May our God of all peace continue to comfort you every passing day And may your champ grow into a fine strong God fearing man.It is well

  18. happi 1st birthday 2 babi njiru..Mukami……may our God give u oil of gladness in place of tears….& a garment of praize instead of despair….Isaiah 61:3.Jehova remains faithful… u r an overcomer 2gether with ua hubby…..

  19. So emotional but I chose to heng on this line “Too special for the earth”. Indeed they must have been made just for a better place.

  20. I cannot imagine what you went thru becoz am not a mum just yet,though i understand u mukami..Time flies and i believe everything happens for a reason.Happy birthday Njiru he’s a survivor thats for sure.๐Ÿ˜˜May the Lord protect him always

  21. You’re a wonderful, wonderful mommy and your little soldier held on for you, then now he’s always watching over you and his baby brother. โค

  22. “…..but I know we gave him our best”. That’s the most important, You were there for baby Mwaura Jr. In everything situation, we thank God. May his presence be with your family.

  23. ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐsoo sad, May God give you strength to overcome the sorrow and pain. We thank God for Njiru, May God always protect and bless him.

  24. You are one strong lady Mama Njiru because I always break down reading your journey I can only imagine what you’ve been. God bless you.

  25. Heart breaking but inspirational.

    May Njiru live long! May you and Mwaura find peace.

  26. Celebrating Mwaura Jr.
    God wanted you to meet them earlier celebrate and love them.Preemie mums are the strongest! He is watching over you guys.
    Well done mama

  27. Take heart my dear..and indeed you are a Strong Woman…having given borth to a small baby i know the joy of just 10grams more and the stress when they lose that 10grams . The God who blessed you then will bless u all over again and will heal the pain in your heart

  28. You are a strong person!!! May the dear souls of ua babies keep resting in peace! i send your way lots of hugs…

  29. Its well mukami.God bless da lil champion. Thanks for always sharing ur story with us

  30. Ooooooh beginning to read this story reminded me of my angel son whose 1st anniversary is fast approaching..loosing a child is painful. May God strengthen you mukami and your’s a shoe we wear forever but God enables us to stay strong

  31. Mukami I also believe you are a fighter hence the reason why you are able to narrate the whole ordeal. Mine is to encourage you to soldier on God has much more better things for you.

  32. You are a strong young woman
    May the Good Lord continue Blessing you

  33. You r very strong.may peace of the Lord that surpass human understanding be with you

  34. Hi Mukami, you are a strong woman..God has given you lots of favor and He loves you so much.We love you too and are praying for the angels. Be strong dear.Luv you gal.

  35. God has a reason for everything you have two angels watching over you is well be blessed

  36. Little by little, you will be fine Kami.
    Happy birthday to baby Njiru. May the Lord be praised.

  37. Mukami I can never put down the right words to you. All I can say is I read your articles and must say you are a strong woman and a real inspiration to many. Mat our God continue giving you strength to carry on, and to raise your child in the Godly ways, THOSE WE LOVE NEVER DEPART OUR HEARTS……

  38. For a moment, I just stopped all I was doing to read this article…and the tears that have trickled down my cheeks ๐Ÿ™ May God strengthen you and restore that which the enemy thinks he has stolen from you. I speak peace to your life and your family. God i

  39. I know this is hard for you and for any parent to have to experience child loss but your story gives women strength and encouragement to journey through their loss your an inspiration

  40. I know this is hard for you and for any parent to have to experience child loss but your story gives women strength and encouragement to journey through their loss your an inspiration

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